I am trying to listen to myself. To be present with myself. To acknowledge and feel my emotions instead of rejecting them, judging them, or condemning them. So often I feel scared, overwhelmed, and anxious. Helplessness used to go along with those emotions too, but that helpless feeling has gotten smaller lately.
But I don’t know if I’m ready to hear her. For some reason I hesitate. I’m afraid to really open that door and let in — or let out all the things hidden inside. All the emotions, the memories, the deep wisdom and intuitive knowings I didn’t know were trapped inside me. I’m scared to see it all.
And so I distract myself, playing games, doing chores, trying to convince myself that I’m not quite ready, that I’m still a beginner learning to crawl. I read and research ways to connect with my intuition, or re-parent my inner child, I watch videos to get someone else’s advice on how to do this inner healing and growth because I tell myself that I’m doing it all wrong and that I don’t know how.
But I think that’s just me procrastinating and denying the truth. Because the truth is that I can trust myself. I’m not a beginner, but a master; I just forgot to remember that.
I already know how to listen to myself. I already know how to care for myself and bless myself with self-compassion. I already know how to hear the inner voice and open myself to the deep wisdom and intuition I already possess. I know how to listen to the universe and hear the sound of the infinite. All I need is help to hit pause on my mind and hit the brakes on fear.
I am afraid. I need to acknowledge that, but being afraid doesn’t mean failure, it just means I need to have a little faith.
