Job Searching and Chronic Anxiety: Why You Shouldn’t Push Yourself While Job-Hunting

4 min readOct 13, 2022

I feel really burnt out right now. Really tired. I’ve spent the last 2 and a half months job hunting (I’m focusing on remote-based technical writer or content writer positions) and growing my online art business (Etsy, Redbubble, and Pixels.com). I’ve been living off my savings (turns off I’ve saved quite a lot being such a penny-pincher and investor and I’m good at keeping my living expenses low — except for rent of course which just goes up without my control) but my ample investments are dwindling. Medical bills keep coming in (here’s a way to live cheaply — don’t ever have a medical issue), my businesses aren’t generating any income (yet) and the dozens of jobs I’ve applied to have come to nothing. Nothing is happening for me. No money is coming in. I’ve done all I can in learning and applying marketing techniques to make my business grow — I’ve tweaked the resume and connected with recruiters and sharpened my LinkedIn profile but still nothing.

I’m afraid. Really afraid now. And it’s impossible to relax when you have the threat of bills coming in and no way to pay them. The frustration I’m feeling as I look back on all the job hunting tips and business tricks and side hustle schemes I’ve tried over the past few months and see no results is so discouraging. I feel like I’m a failure even though I “did all the right things” it feels like I’m cursed. Someone else does the thing and they succeed, but when I step up to the plate I’m always striking out, even when I’ve done it all right.

I woke up this morning researching quick ways to make money fast — I spent 4 hours today signing up for and taking weird, intrusive surveys for hours earning little points that could eventually turn into dollars. But it didn’t feel right. And I wondered what I was doing, trying to take stupid surveys (no offense to anyone that does that themselves but I felt desperate and empty as I did them) for a few dollars that might come. I stopped, realizing why I had given up on that get-money-quick side hustle before.

I’m terribly scared as I wait on a miracle. Working to earn a living shouldn’t feel like a miracle. But the prospect of earning an income feels like a miracle now. I wonder if I’m just doomed to fail. Doomed to work really really hard for the chance at a crumb. I’m afraid of my desperation, knowing how easy it is to fall into a bad situation when one is desperate. I’m looking hard and working hard, but it’s hard to work or create when you’re so afraid. And I don’t know what else to do. I suppose my last resort would be trying something like working in retail — but I feel like I shouldn’t do that either. I just don’t know what else to do anymore.

I’m afraid. Trying to have faith that the seeds I planted will sprout and create a harvest for me. But fearful that this will be another failed garden.

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